


Neighbor of the 10th floor

by VenlaMatleena



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-26
Updated: 2016-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-11 06:06:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 20,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7879468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VenlaMatleena/pseuds/VenlaMatleena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a little backstory for the Tom Hiddleston -one-shot (as promised).<br/>Link:<br/>http://archiveofourown.org/works/6501505/chapters/14909812</p>
<p>You (the reader) live in the same building with Tom and you get to know him a little by having casual chats with him at the mailboxes.</p>
<p>I read once a similar story but I do not remember who was the author. I thank you for the inspiration (if you are reading this, I'm not trying to steal from you, all I basically remember from the story was that they meet at the mailboxes and then Tom asks the reader to his apartment for a dinner)... This is kind of my version of that story.</p>
<p>This will not be a long story, just a few chapters but it kind of explains how that one-shot happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bad day turns into nice evening

You had moved in London about 14 months ago and soon discovered that you had moved in the same building where Tom Hiddleston lives. You had been saying casual hellos whenever when you had happened to be in the same place at the same time. Those short chats had been growing from few words to many minutes and finally into an hour long conversations. However you never talked about his career or who he was. You always chatted with him in the hall while glancing through your posts, you never chatted about too personal stuff. 

You had not seen him for a while now and you had read that he had been filming in States. You had been missing your chats and well… although you did not want to admit it, you had also missed him. You admired his talents and thought that he was absolutely wonderful person, also pretty hot but in a very gentleman-like and charming way. Actually you had grown a crush with him. It was a thing that you were not that proud of but you could not help it.

Today you had been working your ass off at work and listening to your boss bitching about everything and you were feeling very low. You had missed your bus because you had forgotten your public transportation –card to your workplace and you did not have any cash with you. Therefore you had been forced to visit the ATM and then waited for 15 minutes for the next bus in terrible wind. You arrived your home building and saw a familiar person at the mail boxes. “Oh no, not today!” you thought because you didn’t really feel too willing to have a conversation with anyone, especially with your crush, ever so charming Tom.

You walked to your mail box, opened it and hoped that Tom was not in the mood for a conversation today. It was a shame really, because any other day you would had been very happy about the return of your favorite actor, but not today.  
\- Hello! he said casually. He sounded quite happy but then again, he usually always sounded happy and now that you thought about it, you were not sure if you had ever seen him bored, annoyed, frustrated or angry… or not angry. You did not really think that there was anger in Tom, yeah, you were pretty sure that Tom was pretty much anger-free specimen.  
You however were experiencing all those noble feelings you had just listed in your mind. You sighed and greeted him back. A long silence followed. You mumbled curses silently as you opened your electrical invoice. It was much larger than you had thought and you had not mentally prepared yourself for that kind of sudden expenditure. You had hoped to save some money from your salary this month, but apparently it was not going to happen after all.

\- Do you know who I am? he asked. His tone was friendly and calm, there was a slight undertone of curiousness but he was not interrogating you. You opened the next letter nervously and answered  
\- Yep…  
\- Does it bother you? Tom asked. He sounded still very friendly but now there was a hint of concern in his voice and more curiosity. You stopped what you were doing, still looking at your mail anyway and said  
\- Nope…   
You sounded a bit pissed off. About that you were feeling a bit bad because Tom was not to blame for your bad day. You bit your lip as you tried to channel your bad mood into something else than to the tone of your voice.

\- Are you okay? Tom asked after a pause. He sounded concerned and genuinely worried. That surprised you because although you knew that Tom was a great person, doing plenty of charity work and so on, but you had not expected him to care how you were. Unless he was about to take you as his charity-case… “oh please” you scoffed half aloud. Tom asked “excuse me?” and you answered after a deep sigh, that actually sounded more like a groan.  
\- Just a shitty day at work. you replied and smiled a sarcastic smile. You knew that you were behaving in a rather rude and inconsiderate way but your filter was broken and you really did not have energy to act civil.  
\- Do you want to talk about it? Tom asked.  
\- No… not really. I just want to go home and shoot my brains out. you answered with a sarcastic tone in your voice while looking at Tom and matching your face with your tone. You mimicked shooting a gun to your head with your fingers. Yeah, this was not the best day to bump into your crush after a long break.  
\- So if you’ll excuse me… I’d better get on with it. you said, bowed a little bit theatrically and left Tom there standing by the mail boxes. Tom looked puzzled and left the mail boxes soon after you had taken the elevator up.

Not a good day at all! You felt like smashing the doors and throwing the TV out from your window. Your boss could be a dick sometimes and this had been one of those times. You ordered a pizza and put on a playlist of selected sad songs that you knew for a fact that will make you cry. You knew that crying would make you feel better for sure. You had never felt so unappreciated and you just needed to get it out. Crying was a way for you to get the bad mood off your chest. You felt the tears building and your breathing changed. The massive wave of emotions washed over you and it felt so painful and good at the same time. You missed your family, your friends, you felt lonely and low. 

There was a sudden knock at the door. You tried to wipe your face dry from tears and opened the door.  
\- No questions, please, just… you said and handed over the money.  
\- Oh! you said when you noticed that it was not the pizza delivery guy but Tom at the door.  
-… I was expecting a pizza guy. Obviously… you’re not him. you said as you tried to get yourself together. You were looking at Tom with teary eyes and tried to catch your breath. Tom looked at you without saying anything. The silence felt awkward and made you feel like you had to explain yourself. You however did not want to admit that you had been actually really crying. That would have been too embarrassing.  
-… look… I just got something in my eye, that’s all. you said and looked away. You bit your lip and tried not to cry more, you held your breath. You heard door closing and gasped for air as you turned to the door expecting Tom to be gone, but…

\- A shitty day at work? Tom asked with a calm, soft, surprisingly comforting tone. You nodded and tried to smile like everything was ok but you couldn’t fool anyone. Tom came closer to you with his arms open, ready to hug you and give you a shoulder to cry on. You however rejected his gesture and stepped away. You were quite private person and although being hugged by Tom would have been a dream come true, you felt that you were too vulnerable with your makeup on your cheeks and eyes red from crying. Instead of accepting physical contact you asked  
\- You’re planning to stay, right?  
Tom nodded and smiled a little. He looked like he was trying to figure you out and find some answers or maybe he was just trying to find clues of your personality. He after all did not know you and he had never before seen you this… broken, you could say.  
\- Ok… I will get a quick shower, so if the pizza guy comes now, please pay the man. Ok? you asked and smiled very briefly.  
\- Yeah… sure. Tom answered and watched you disappear behind the locked door, into your bathroom.

You took your clothes off and stepped into the shower. You felt the warm water hit gently your face and wash away the tears. You didn’t feel better yet and you cried some more while hiding your face in your hands. You sat down on the shower floor and let the water fall down your back as you whimpered softly and tried to calm down. Tom was worried because you had been behind the locked door for quite some time and he did not like the idea of letting you be alone for so long. Not in the state that you were in currently. No, he did not fear that you would hurt yourself but he did not want you to isolate yourself nevertheless. He listened to the sound of shower at the door for a moment, trying to hear if you were crying or not, and then knocked on the door softly.  
\- The pizza came, are you ok there? he asked and tried to avoid sounding too worried because he was afraid that it would just annoy you or make you mistake his genuine concern as pity and he was pretty sure that you did not need his pity or even want it. You inhaled deeply before answering, turned off the water and answered with as cheerful voice as possible  
\- Yep. I’ll be right out. 

You felt lighter, like most of the weight had been lifted off your shoulders. You dried your hair a bit and put on your pajamas. Inhaled and exhaled deeply as you leaned to the door with your forehead before taking the step and leaving the current hiding place. After you had gathered courage, you opened the door and stepped out.  
\- How are you feeling? Tom asked. He smiled a little but he still looked slightly worried.  
\- Better. you mumbled and smiled a little. You did not want to pretend to be any happier than you actually were but you did not want to seem like a cry-baby either. Therefore you went with the midway which was a small smile and a neutral tone.  
\- Come, I took a liberty of taking some plates and set up the table. Tom said and looked into your eyes as if he had been waiting for your approval. You answered with a smile which made him look relieved. Tom answered to your smile with a wide smile and you had no other choice than to chuckle a little. It was funny how a Hollywood A-list superstar had looked so shy for a moment, like he had been worried that he had screwed up and then when you had approved his actions, like you could had ever disapprove them, he had looked so relieved.

You sat down and ate the pizza half and half. While eating you had a conversation about Toms work and all the things that fame has given him –good and bad. You did not want to seem too fan-girlish so you did not ask anything too personal and tried to avoid giggling and blushing when Tom smiled at you or looked deep into your eyes as he answered your questions and asked things about your life.  
\- I know you don’t really know me, but please, tell me about… today. Tom asked. He sounded very sincere which made you surprised. He really wanted to know and you had not really expected that, not with that kind of profound and sincere way at least. You were well aware about the casual “how are you?” to which you were not expected to answer anything else than just “I’m good”. It was called small-talk for a reason, but the way Tom asked you now was… it was beyond small talk. You were silent for a moment before answering and then began  
\- Uhm… well… my boss is a douche bag. Nothing is ever enough for him and whatever I try to do, no matter how hard I work, it is never enough. There is always something wrong. I mean, I could be dancing on the ceiling, standing on my hands while singing the greatest hits of the 80’s in Latin, but it would not be enough… he wants it to be in ancient Greek instead. That’s what I am dealing with. 

You paused for a moment and gathered your thoughts again. Tom was watching you closely and paid attention to your tone and expressions. It was not entirely and only about what you said but also about how you said it. It was the thing that told him more about you and your thoughts, mood and character than any amount of words could had told him.  
\- And I miss my family very much. I haven’t seen them for a long time, actually… I haven’t seen them since I moved here. you continued with a slight hesitation. “Am I really telling all this to Tom? Why? What on earth am I expecting to gain with this?” you thought and felt a little bit embarrassed for being so honest. Tom didn’t say anything because he was still weighting your words and deciphering your tone. Neither of you were saying anything so the silence was growing and you felt like you had said too much.

\- I mean… I am not perfect. I should probably start learning ancient Greek and maybe some other dead languages as well. you said and laughed because you wanted to lighten up the situation a bit. The conversation had taken a slightly darker turn and you did not want to give a wrong impression of yourself. You laughter filled the room, although it had a hint of sadness in it; it was obvious that you were just trying to light up the atmosphere or maybe cover your true state of mind and Tom noticed it. You noticed that Tom was well aware of your little diversion-trick… attempt so you decided to change the subject.

\- Come on, lets watch a movie, shall we? you suggested and smiled.  
\- I have some ice cream in the freezer and I’m willing to share… you continued and then realized that you had basically assumed that he would stay.  
\- I mean, if you’re not in a hurry. you added before Tom managed to say anything. He smiled and told you that he was more than happy to stay, watch a movie and eat ice cream with you. You got the ice cream and he chose the movie while you were dividing the ice cream into two big bowls. You sat down on a sofa, next to Tom. He picked up a comedy and you started watching it, it was a movie which Tom had not seen but you had, although it had been a while. You both commented the movie and laughed out loud time to time as you ate ice cream. Lots of it. The atmosphere was very relaxed and it felt like you had known for ages and been friends even longer.  
It was getting late and you started feeling tired. Your eyelids felt so heavy and at some point you had started to spend more time with your eyes closed than open. You dozed off for a small moment, leaned accidentally on Tom’s shoulder and woke up a bit when Tom was touching your shoulder gently. 

\- Come now, I will get you in the bed. he whispered and helped you to stand up. You were only half awake, hitting every piece of furniture on the way to your bedroom but somehow he managed to get you there. You sat on the bed and fell down on it. Tom lifted your feet on the bed and tucked you in. He stood there watching you sleep for a moment before he shut down the TV, lights, wrote a note on a paper, left it on the kitchen table and locked the door behind him as he entered the corridor and walked to his apartment.

Tom liked you. Before today he had liked your chats and he had also thought that your smile lighted up the room even after a hard day at work. Today he had asked if you knew who he was. He had not asked you because of the usual “don’t you know who I am?” –arrogance. He had asked you because he had wanted to know if you answered him honestly. He had been in the cover of many tabloids after all and the chances for you honestly not knowing who he was were very slim… basically non-existent. You had told him that you knew who he was and it did not bother you. It made him very happy because you still treated him like a normal person, which he appreciated very much.

Today he had seen you first time unhappy and vulnerable. Totally opposite of the image you had given out of yourself. He would have hugged you, but you had turned him down. He knew that you probably had your reasons to do so. Maybe you had difficulties to let anyone close and the truth was that you didn’t really know each other that well. Tom however had decided to get to know you better and he would start by inviting you over for a dinner.


	2. The dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tom invites you for a dinner but you do not know whether it is just a friendly get-together or a date.

You woke up and wondered how you had ended up in the bedroom. The whole evening felt a little like you had been in a haze and the faint memory of watching a movie with Tom haunted your mind, surely it was not real because it felt like wonderful dream. You got up and walked to your living room. The TV had been turned off, the ice cream bowls were gone, otherwise the room looked exactly like it should. You walked to the kitchen. The bowls were in the sink and there was a note on the kitchen table. You took the piece of paper and leaned to the kitchen counter as you read it.

“Dinner tonight? Meet me 6:30 pm at the mailboxes.”

It was almost noon now. You were seriously puzzled about last night; “what was real and what was dream? When did I pass out?” you thought but your own mind did not provide you any answers. Therefore you decided to go outside for a walk and clear your head. Maybe fresh air was just the thing you needed. You put on your jacket and headed out from your apartment.

Fresh air felt amazing. It cleared your head and you got painfully aware of the events of the previous night although you tried not to think about Tom because you felt slightly embarrassed about pouring your troubles onto him and falling asleep after… and eating a massive bowl of ice cream. Yeah, that. You were pretty sure that the ladies whom Tom usually hung out with did not even know that you could put words “ice cream” and “bowl” into a same sentence, no, they most likely used words like “frozen yogurt” and “spoon”.

Time flew while you were sitting in a park nearby. There were some people jogging and you tried to see if some of them were Tom. You knew that Tom always jogged in that park because he liked the ambiance of it. Normally you would have not minded at all bumping into Tom but today, at this very moment, you didn’t want to get surprised by anyone, and you luckily you didn’t since no one paid any attention to you.

You had set the alarm to three o’clock. The sound of it woke you up from your thoughts where you had been getting lost for almost two hours now. You hadn’t decided quite yet if you were actually going to the dinner with Tom. “Was the note from Tom? It wasn’t my handwriting…” you thought because the possibility of Tom Hiddleston asking you for a dinner sounded just too weird. You reasoned that maybe you had been sleepwalking, you didn’t know. You didn’t dare to consider the possibility that Tom had asked you on a… date? Would it be a date? Maybe it is only a “friend-thing”… or maybe not even that. Maybe it was just a completely harmless “neighbor-thing”.

\- I will just go and check the mail boxes out at 6:30 pm. you said to yourself half aloud and walked back to your apartment. “If I was sleepwalking and wrote that note, he will not be there and no one will ever know” you reasoned. The plan sounded good. There was no way you could make yourself look like an idiot because even if Tom was at the mailboxes and he had not left you the note, you would just casually greet him and pretend that you were just checking your mail. Yes, good plan!

Time went on and you got ready for the evening. You picked your favorite top and a skirt that goes nicely with it. You did your hair and put some makeup. Then you chose cute ballerina shoes and a matching purse. Final look at the mirror, an approving nod and you left your apartment. It was 6:30 pm but there was no one at the mailboxes. “Go figure!” you thought to yourself and turned around, ready to get back to your place. However as you were turning, you noticed that there was a colorful post-it -note on your mailbox’s door. About this you were completely sure; you had not sleepwalked to the mailboxes so the note was not from you. You took it and read it curiously.

“10th floor, apartment 57” said the note. You took the elevator to the tenth floor and looked for the apartment 57. There it was, right opposite to the elevator but somehow you managed to miss it at first. Maybe it was due to the level of nervousness you were in. You took a moment for yourself and tried to calm down. Therefore inhaled deeply a couple of times before knocking. The door opened very quickly after you had announced your arrival. “Maybe Tom had been waiting at the door” you thought but then disregarded that thought immediately. If he had, which he surely had not done, it would mean that he had been actually waiting for you quite eagerly. You saw Tom as handsome as ever smiling at you as he stepped a bit further away from the door. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans, very casual but still very stylish and very nice.

\- Please, come in. he said with a soft tone. You stepped in and noticed that Tom was not wearing shoes so you took off yours as well. You were happy about that because you did not use shoes in your apartment either and enjoyed the feeling of your toes being freed from the ballerinas.  
\- I saw your note. you stated because you wanted to come up with something to say and start a conversation.  
\- I kind of figured. Tom answered. He smiled and maybe blushed just a little. “Maybe. Most likely not… surely not” you reasoned because the idea of you making Mighty Tom blush was just too much. Then you remembered that you had actually stopped by a small shop that sold small action figure –key chains and bought Tom something,  
\- Here, I got you something… it’s so stupid really… you mumbled nervously and handed out a wrapped small gift for Tom. He looked at the wrapping curiously and then said with a surprised tone  
\- You didn’t have to…  
\- It’s truly nothing, just… something. you mumbled. Tom opened the wrap and there was a tiny Loki action figure that was holding the hammer of Thor. Tom started to laugh. His laughter made you blush and therefore you mumbled the next thing while staring at Tom’s feet  
\- … so you would never feel unworthy.  
\- It’s adorable, thank you! he stated and laughed openheartedly. You smiled shyly, made a festive bow and then dared to actually look at guy who was still chuckling at your gift. He told you that he would attach it to his keys immediately. “You don’t really have to do that” you mumbled and watched him closely slipping the keys to the split-ring and then the mini-Loki was hanging on the keys. “Don’t be silly, there” Tom said when he was done.

\- Come, I’ll give you a tour. Tom said and took your hand. He showed you his apartment, which was bigger and fancier than yours although it was still very modest and comfortable. To be honest you had not really expected Tom to have a flashy apartment but you were still pleasantly surprised. After the tour he led you to the kitchen where there were some vegetables on the table.  
\- You’re cooking, it seems. you said and leaned to the kitchen counter. There was the counter between you and him and you were following what he was doing at the stove, which was next to the counter. His kitchen was very spacious and modern unlike yours. Tom’s kitchen actually looked like it had been just recently renovated because all the appliances and surfaces looked very new.

\- May I help? you asked because just standing there watching him cook felt awkward and wrong in a way.  
\- Oh no, just keep me company and make yourself at home. he answered.  
\- Haha, I already did! You laughed because you were leaning on the counter in a rather homely –way. Tom chuckled a little bit while he washed his hands and rolled up his imaginary sleeves.  
\- Is that you putting on some latex gloves, o-m-g! What are you doing? you exclaimed and laughed out loud. You really did not have any idea what was the point of the gesture he had just done. Whatever it had been, it had looked very weird and funny.  
\- I’m rolling up my sleeves, you see? he answered and repeated the gesture.  
\- Aaaaa, okay… you said with an “aww, now I get it” –tone and continued after a small pause  
\- You truly know how to break the ice, don’t you?  
\- Latex gloves… Tom mumbled to himself and laughed. He was happy that you were clearly relaxing and were not that nervous anymore.

\- What are we having today? you asked and leaned over the counter just to see what was going on at the stove.  
\- It’s a surprise, you will see. Tom answered and shifted himself a little so you were unable to see what he was cooking in his pans.  
\- Oh, keep your secrets, I don’t wanna know anyway. you said and turned your back, folded your arms and tried to hold your laughter. You felt really comfortable with him and therefore you dared to joke even although your jokes were not always the best ones and sometimes they were just plain horrible.  
\- I’ll give you a taste soon. Tom promised and you turned back, unfolded your arms and smiled widely.  
\- You’re adorable! you blurted and covered your mouth as soon as you realized that those words had actually escaped your mouth. Tom was looking at his pans and stirring one of them with a wooden spoon. He didn’t say anything and you couldn’t see his face if he was smiling or if you had said something irreversibly stupid. He put down the spoon and turned facing you. He looked calm and mysterious and his face did not give you any clues about his mood or thoughts. 

You had been holding your breath the whole time since the blurt and now inhaled deeply. Tom walked to you while you continued  
\- What I tried to say was…was… I tried to say… that… that… you followed Tom with your eyes as he came closer and stared straight into your eyes… or maybe at your lips… you turned around and now he was standing right in front of you, capturing you between the kitchen counter and his form. He didn’t say anything. You tried to back away but you couldn’t because of the counter blocked you from moving, you however leaned slightly backwards and supported yourself with your hand that you had anchored to the counter behind you. Tom leaned in and reached his arm as you were holding your breath again. His fingers brushed your supportive arm very lightly from your shoulder down to your fingers, but the touch was so light that you were not sure if you were just imagining things.  
He grabbed the salt that was on the counter behind you, right next to the fingers of your supportive hand. It was basically right next to the stove and he could have gotten it without such… distracting… mind games… and he knew it. It was obvious.

\- I just need a bit of this… he whispered and stayed there leaning towards you for a moment. You had stopped breathing again, in fact he was so close that if you had breathed, you surely would had touched him. His face was so close to you that his lips basically ghosted over yours. Then slowly he backed off and returned to the stove. “What the hell just happened!?” you thought as you were trying to collect your thoughts again. You did not dare to look at Tom because you were blushing so hard. Then you gathered all your guts and turned around. You saw Tom grinning as he was stirring the pan. He knew exactly how to screw up your always-so-rational mind and he was clearly enjoying it. “What kind of casual neighboring-get-together is this supposed to be?” you thought as you bit your lip.

He was making a sauce of some kind. He took the spoon, dipped it in the sauce and blew on it before tasting it and thinking for a moment. Then he nodded approvingly. The next thing he did was dipping the spoon in the sauce again. He brought it to you, reaching over the counter. You had to stand on your toes and lean over the counter that he was able to do… whatever he was about to do… effortlessly. He blew the spoon gently and cupped his hand under it as he gave you a taste. He stared at your lips as you sipped the sauce carefully. His hand touched your chin as he was making sure that the sauce would not accidentally mess up your shirt. You felt shivers going through your body. It seemed that Tom was holding his breath for change.

\- Ummm… you said and nodded with a smile. The sauce was very good indeed and it was easy to give an approving “thumbs up” to it. You did not really give an actual thumbs up, but just smiled so it was clear that you had liked the sauce very much. “Hell, he is even an amazing cook!” you thought and sighed.  
\- Good, we’re ready. Just wait here for a moment. Don’t look. Tom said and took some plates and glasses from the kitchen cupboard. He went to another room and ran in the kitchen a few times as you waited in the kitchen with your eyes closed. You listened to his footsteps and soon felt his hand on your back as he guided you very gracefully into the dining area.

\- Okay. You can open your eyes now. he said finally as he stepped away from you.  
\- Ta-daa! he said as you opened your eyes. The lights were off and there were some candles lighted in the apartment. Tom was standing next to the table and reached out his hand for you. You reached to take his and he escorted you to your seat.   
\- Wow! you commented and sighed. The sight was absolutely beautiful.  
\- I hope it’s not too much… Tom said. His tone was slightly shy and nervous.  
\- No… I-I love it. you said with a sincere amazement in your voice. You had never in million years expected anything like that.  
\- Phew! he sighed and helped you to sit down by helping you with the chair. “Is Tom actually relieved? Did he think that I would not like it?” you asked yourself. You thanked Tom for such thoughtful gesture and he sat down as well.

You stared at the portion on your plate and it looked like it had come from a restaurant. Tom followed you closely as you tasted the food. He was very curious and impatient to know whether he had nailed the dinner or not. You complimented his cooking skills many times and then he started to eat as well. You ate slowly and had a lively conversation in the candlelight. The atmosphere was very relaxed and there were long looks that were enough to make you blush and completely lose your train of thought.

\- That was… just… delicious. you commented and smiled. Tom smiled back at you, got up and took the plates to the kitchen. He came back and poured you both another glass of white wine. You felt relaxed and also Tom seemed to feel comfortable with you around. That made you very happy because you could just imagine how it must be difficult to find non-famous-people to hang out with who did not completely lose it but treated him like a normal person… who happened to be very handsome, polite, kind and smart… and very funny.  
\- I hope you have room for the dessert. he stated and sat down opposite you.  
\- Oh! Gimme a moment. Right now I am totally full. you answered and chuckled. Tom laughed as well and sipped some wine. There was a slow jazzy song playing and Tom got up, walked to you and offered his hand.  
\- May I have this dance? he asked. You hesitated a little but decided just to go with it.

Tom led you into the living room and found a good spot to dance. He pulled you closer and put his other hand to your waist and other held your hand. You tried to say something but you just could not form any smart sentences. Tom let go of your waist and lifted his hand so you were able spin under it. You laughed a bit and spun around one time and as you were taking the second spin Tom stopped you half way so you were now facing away from him.   
He took your hand and lifted the hand that was up already and placed it behind his neck. Your hand was touching Tom’s neck and the position forced you to pull him closer gently. He placed his other hand to your stomach while still holding your hand. He kissed your wrist softly and then turned you around. “Okay, this is definitely a date-date” you thought as you battled with yourself whether you dared to meet his gaze or not, those soulful eyes of his.

You were now facing him. There was new kind of look in his eyes. He looked sure and confident about everything which you found it very attractive and it was impossible to resist him now, not that you would have wanted to resist him anyway. You lifted your gaze and looked deep into his eyes. You bit your lip unintentionally because that was what you did when you were a bit nervous. That made Tom to break away from your gaze and focus on your lips instead.

\- I’m going to kiss you now, if you don’t mind. he whispered and closed his eyes. You closed yours too. You managed to get two short breaths before you felt Tom lips against yours. The first kiss was soft, sweet and careful. You felt your heart stopping and knees shake. You sighed silently against his mouth when he parted his lips from yours. After brushing your lips with his Tom kissed you again but this time his kiss was more daring and you encouraged your mind to answer to it more intensely. The kiss continued and grew deeper as well as more possessive until you both just had to catch your breaths. 

Your lips parted and as soon he had caught his breath he whispered to your ear  
\- Maybe some dessert now…  
He kissed your neck softly and then separated himself from you. Your lips were tingling and your head spinning because the kiss you had just now experienced must have been the best kiss ever, so far at least and it had been quite enough to turn the crush you were having for Tom into something deeper which frightened you a little. It was going so fast and you did not even know what Tom wanted from you.

\- Oh sod it! he exclaimed and pulled you close again. His hands found yours and he squeezed them. He pressed a kiss on your forehead, let go of your hands as hugged you. Your hands ran up and down on his back, shoulders and muscled arms. It would make you very sad if he wanted just a casual hookup or if this was just one of those things that did not really matter because the truth was that you were quite ready to give your heart to him. Yes… it had happened in the most clichéd way. One kiss and had fallen in love with Tom.


	3. Stay here tonight?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The date is... =)

\- What are you thinking about? Tom asked silently. He was curious to know even your most unimportant thoughts if they deserved even a fraction of your time and therefore he was very eager to hear your answer.  
\- You… this… you… you answered and sighed. Yes, your mind was basically filled with the thoughts of Tom and this evening as well as the fact that your attraction had turned into something deeper and more serious.  
\- Ehehehe! Tom laughed. He was clearly pleased for rendering you speechless. You knew always what to say and usually always got the last word… or that was his impression of you and now you were speechless and it was all because him. Yes, Tom was indeed very pleased.

\- Are you happy? Tom asked with a soft, very hopeful tone. You couldn’t say anything because you were just smiling widely. You hugged Tom more tightly as you chuckled a little. You grinned with your cheek pressed against Tom’s chest. Then you inhaled deeply as you gathered courage to ask him the same thing.  
\- What about you? What are you thinking about? you asked a bit hesitantly. You were curious, tempted and afraid at the same time about what the answer might be. There was a possibility that Tom’s answer was something entirely else than you were hoping it to be. The worst case would be that he would say “nothing”.  
\- Umm… I’m thinking about how beautiful you look… and how good you smell… umm… and how wonderful you feel… Tom answered with a soft voice and caressed your neck with his lips as he ran his fingers in your hair and pulled them gently. You moaned and gasped for air.

\- Stay for tonight? Tom asked suddenly.  
\- I would stay forever, if you asked me. you answered. The words escaped your lips a bit too easy and made you shocked; it just felt too easy, too right and too good. Nothing like this happened to you, like ever, and now that it did you were afraid that you would screw it up by embracing it without controlling yourself.  
\- Ehehehe! I just might do that. But now… the dessert! he said and took your hand, led you to the kitchen. You followed him of course; you would had followed him till the worlds end if necessary and it was very uncommon for you to be so certain about anything.  
\- Tonight we’re having this rich, creamy, chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. I have to say, the dough was pretty yummy, so I’m pretty confident that the cake is delicious. Tom said as he presented the cake to you.  
\- You made this? Like… you? Like… All by yourself? you asked with an admiring tone. So not only Tom was a great cook, he could also bake.

\- Yes, love. With these hands, with my imaginary sleeves folded up. he answered and you burst into laughter.  
\- You mean with your latex gloves? you corrected and Tom started to laugh as well.  
Tom sliced a big piece of the cake and heated it up in the microwave oven and then he took a big bowl of ice cream, one slice of cake and one bowl of ice cream. You looked at him with a question in your eyes.  
\- I planned that we will eat on the couch and… he said and paused. You looked at him, still not quite understanding the idea behind his answer and therefore you pleaded for continuation to his sentence.  
\- … and we will share. Tom continued and looked at you with a twinkle in his eye. He took two spoons and led you back to the living room. You both sat down on the couch facing each other. You both tasted the cake and, not even a bit surprisingly, it was very good, just a little bit hot still.  
\- Let’s try like this. Tom suggested and took a half spoon of ice cream and half of the cake. He brought the spoon to your lips and watched you intensely as you had a taste.

\- Umm-umm-mmm! you commented, smiled seductively and bit your lip after. You did not really know how to flirt and when you tried, you always felt a little ridiculous, but this time it felt quite natural. You just smiled a lot, laughed at his jokes, looked into his eyes while he spoke and let him get close to you.  
\- Your turn. you said and took a half and half and offered the spoon to Tom. He took a taste and winked his eye at you which made you blush.  
\- I’m sorry, I’m not usually this flirty. I’m afraid that I might give you a wrong idea. you said and blushed even more. Luckily the candle light was forgiving. Tom put his bowl to the sofa table, took yours as well and put it next to the bowl. He leaned closer to kiss you. His lips tasted like chocolate and somehow that small detail made the whole moment feel like heaven. Definitely too good to be true. Tom moaned softly between kisses as he caressed your face with his fingers.

\- Let’s take… things… slowly. he suggested as he parted his lips from yours for short moments.  
\- Yes… please. you answered and Tom backed away reluctantly. He gave you the bowl of half melted ice cream and took the cake plate for himself. Then he sat right next to you and put his arm around you.  
\- Is this okay? he asked and ran his fingers softly up and down on your arm.  
\- This is perfect. you whispered. You really felt comfortable with him and that was a completely new feeling. You always felt more or less awkward with guys or on dates but now you felt like you had been right where you were supposed to be. Tom felt the same and he had been actually waiting for this moment for quite some time. He had wanted to get to know you but had not dared to ask you out because he had assumed that you were surely dating someone. Then he had gathered his courage and based on yesterday evening he had assured himself that you were in fact single and maybe also interested in him.

You talked and ate and talked some more. You told Tom about your family and how it had been growing up. You asked Tom about his childhood and he told you stories with a calm voice. You felt peaceful and happy. In fact you felt so peaceful that suddenly you yawned.  
\- Oh, it’s getting late, isn’t it? you asked. You had lost the track of time completely and had no idea whatsoever how late or early it was. Past an hour you had been just sitting silently and listened to music while drawing random shapes on each other’s arms.  
\- Almost midnight. Tom replied. He pressed a kiss on your forehead and brushed your hair with slow, long strokes.  
\- I should probably go… you said and straightened your back.

\- Oh… you’re not staying after all? Tom asked. He sounded surprised and maybe even a little bit disappointed. He had meant what he had asked and assumed that you had answered him sincerely. You however had assumed that he had just asked metaphorically and you had answered what you had felt was right. Not the reality was hitting you and it was hitting you hard. You were not that kind of girl who would do hookups and you felt somewhat bad for giving mixed messages.  
\- I’m… not… like… you said. You did not want to offend Tom who had been a true gentleman the entire evening but you did not want to end up into a situation that you were not quite ready to face… not yet at least.  
\- …like a person who sleeps with someone? Tom asked.  
\- Yeah… Please do not get offended or anything, but I barely know you… you answered. You felt bad now. All that Tom had done for you; the candles, cooked, baked… treated you so well and been a true gentleman and this was how you repaid him. You basically assumed him to tell you to leave or maybe point out that you had led him astray but for your surprise Tom smiled and tucked a runaway lock of your hair behind your ear.  
\- By sleeping I mean simply sleeping. Tom assured and smiled. Sure he found you very attractive but he was not looking for an easy hookup and as you had pointed out yourself; you did not know each other that well and he had suggested himself to take things slow.

\- Oh! you exclaimed with a surprised smile on your face. You were relieved and extremely happy because for a moment you had been almost completely sure that you had screwed things up.  
\- I think I could be like… that. you answered and smiled widely. Yeah, actually sleeping with Tom sounded wonderful and the thought about him holding you while you allowed yourself to drift away was just too great to be real. You stood up and stretched your back while you yawned again.  
\- I just gotta go and wash my teeth and face. I will be right back. you commented and asked for Toms approval with your eyes.  
\- Ok. Tom answered, walked to the entrance hall and took something from the drawer. You had followed what he was doing as you stood behind him. He turned and handed out something to you.  
\- Here, this is the key for my apartment. Take it, so you must come back. Tom said. You took the keys, smiled at the small Loki-figure and got your purse as well as put on your shoes. Then you sneaked out to the elevator silently. You looked back and saw Tom making a shush gesture. “Oh gosh, does he know how adorable he looks?” you thought as you waited for the elevator to arrive. Finally it did and you walked in, raised your hand as a farewell and watched the doors sliding shut.

You basically ran to your apartment when the elevator finally reached your floor. You checked out your face, wanting to know if you had looked even half-decent. Then you washed your face and teeth, got into your pajamas, took your key, Toms key and sneaked back to the elevator. You were shivering because of the excitement and nervousness. You reached Toms floor and silently walked to the door. You put the key in the lock and turned carefully. The lock clicked and you open the door, stepped in and tried to look for Tom. 

Then you heard shower going off. He took a shower! Thinking about it made you blush and suddenly you felt awkward; you did not know if you should go to bed already, stand in the middle of the living room or maybe sit down. You felt slightly nervous and you did not hear the door opening and soft footsteps behind you.  
\- You came back. Tom said and put his hands onto your arms and rubbed them gently. You felt the shivers going down your spine. His hands were large, strong but gentle and now they were even a little damp from the shower. It was a perfect combination of cute and hot, all in one package.

\- Come… let’s go to bed. Tom whispered and took your hand. You saw that he’s wearing some pajama pants and a sleeveless shirt and it was almost unfair how he looked very handsome and stylish even when he was wearing a pajama. It was almost unfair and too much for you to take. He walked you into his bedroom. You stared at the large, very comfortable looking bed and felt a bit nervous. The butterflies in your stomach were flying around furiously although they were supposed to be going to sleep as well.  
\- Hop in. he commanded.  
\- I will take care of the candles. Don’t go anywhere. he said and kissed your hand softly. You sat on the bed. It was a very soft and comfortable bed, just like it had looked. Big one as well. You decided to be bold enough and get under covers. You lay there breathing peacefully, relaxed with your other hand laying on the pillow above your forehead and the other laying straight horizontally. Tom walked in the room and stopped to admire you before he crawled into the bed next to you. You turned to your side facing him. Tom turned off the lights and turned to his side facing you. It was so very dark in the room and you could not see each other. You could only hear and feel each others relaxed breathing. You yawned again.

\- May I steal a goodnight-kiss before you fall asleep? Tom asked.  
\- Come closer. you whispered and felt Toms hand searching yours in the darkness. Then you felt him turning you to lay on your back again by taking your hand and placing it above your head. You could feel his chest partially on top of yours. You smiled and lifted your head a bit trying to reach Toms lips. There they were. As soft as ever. Warm and tempting. The kiss was gentle and faint. A silent “mmm” –sound escaped Toms lips as he separated his lips from yours. He returned to lay next to you but stayed very close.  
\- Goodnight, love. he whispered and caressed your cheek.  
\- Goodnight, dear Tom. you replied and fell soon asleep.

You slept better than you had for a long time. You woke up in the middle of the night and heard Tom breathing peacefully behind you. At some point you had turned on your side to face away from Tom but he had then put his arm around you and pulled you closer to sleep in a spoon. Toms arm was holding yours almost like he had been making sure that you were not going to escape. You did not dare to move because you did not want risk waking him up. You just smiled and closed your eyes.

The morning came and you woke up as the morning sun hit your eyes. Tom had woken up already and he was stroking your hair and running his fingers on your arm.  
\- Mmm-morning! you said with a morning-husky voice and turned facing Tom. You opened your eyes and saw Toms smiling face bathing in the sunlight. The sunlight made his eyes sparkle and combined with the messy hair he looked absolutely irresistible.  
\- Morning, love. he said and smiled. You smiled and did the same move than he did for the goodnight-kiss. There you were; partially on top of him, your hair is hanging on your right shoulder exposing your neck from the left side. You looked Tom into his eyes and smiled, then you squeezed Toms hand and memorized every detail of his face, all the small lines around his eyes and the delicate features of his lips that looked tempting.

\- You are so beautiful. Tom said and touched your neck and cheek. You pondered if you dare to kiss him or not. You encouraged your mind, closed your eyes and kiss Tom softly. Tom rubbed your neck and pulled you closer. He kissed you more intensely and moaned softly. Then suddenly he rolled you over and pressed you against the mattress and pillows. He chuckled a bit, rubbed his chest against yours while kissing you and pinned your hands against the pillow next to your head, on both sides. You enjoyed his gentle possessiveness very much because it made you feel very adored. And he did adore you. He had had a crush on you but now his feelings had deepened and he hoped that you felt the same way.

\- Do you want to make breakfast with me? he asked with a husky voice and kissed you again. His hand left yours and moved to run on your leg and up on your outer thigh and down again. The touch of his hand was very seductive and tempted you to cross some lines that you had thought being unable to cross just yet. Tom however stopped kissing you, let you catch your breath and answer instead of taking things any further.  
\- Uhmmm… I’d love that. you answered and rubbed Toms leg with the sole of your foot.  
\- There’s just one problem… you continued. Tom looked at you surprised.  
\- … I don’t want to leave this bed. you answered and smiled widely. “Well, it is good that we do not have to get up just yet” he mumbled and kissed you once. You were getting completely lost into the kiss when he suddenly pulled back and Tom laughed with a hint of mischief in his voice. He got up pulling you up as well.

\- So cruel! you exclaimed playfully and laughed.  
\- Oh yes! Tom commented with Loki’s voice. You tried to pull him back in the bed but he was too strong for you to succeed. Therefore you both got out from bed and walked to the kitchen. You braid your hair and followed Tom as he took breakfast items out of the fridge.  
\- Can I help? you asked. Tom shook his head.  
\- Please, let me help. you pleaded. “You asked me to do breakfast with you, “with” you, Tom! Not just stalk you as you do all the work” you stated. Tom looked at you, shook his head as he chuckled and finally he nodded. “How could I ever deny anything from you when you look so beautiful” he stated. You clapped your hands excited. Tom gave you a chopping board, a knife and some fruits. You cut the fruits into pretty slices.

\- Happy? he asked.  
\- Very! you answered and helped Tom plate the table. You sat down, started making some sandwiches and chit-chatted as you ate. After breakfast you realized it’s a mid-day already.  
\- I should probably go home. you said and sighed.  
\- Do you really? Tom asked. He sounded a little disappointed. He had planned that he would take you back to bed and cuddle you some more, maybe even challenge you into a pillow fight and then sneakily lock you against the mattress and if he was bold enough, and if the mood was right, he might even seduce to take off your pajama so he could map and memorize every curve of your body as he would study it carefully and learn how you wanted to be touched.  
\- Yes, unfortunately. I have to work today. you answered sadly.  
\- Damn. he commented.  
You smiled a little but it was obvious that you would have wanted to stay.

You got off the table, helped Tom with the dishes and after the kitchen was in somewhat good order you collected your things, left Toms keys and walked to the door. Tom walked behind you, opened the door for you and pushed you against the corridor wall. He locked your body between the wall and him and stared into your eyes. He shifted his gaze to your lips and looked them quite hungrily.  
\- You think you can leave without kissing me goodbye? he asked or more like stated and kissed you passionately. You pulled him closer and answered to the kiss with the same passion. Someone coughed in order to get your attention. You stopped kissing and saw Toms neighbor standing next to you, staring at you. You made a “woops” –face and walked to the elevator after the neighbor.  
\- Call me. you said without voice and made a calling sign with your hand. The doors slid closed and you pushed the button to your floor. The neighbor stared at you but did not say anything.  
\- Good morning. you said and smiled with a terrible blush coloring your face as you tried to contain your excitement.


	4. Spending some time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spending time with Tom

The elevator stopped and you got off. You walked to your apartment, opened the door and went in. You burst into laughter and danced around your apartment as the happiness that you had been bottling inside of you poured out uncontrollably. Then you realized that it was getting late so you started getting ready for work. Just before you were leaving you wrote a note with your number on it. On your way out you slipped the note into Toms mailbox.  
Your day was a typical one. Your boss was a bitch again but it did not matter. You felt so energized and happy, therefore the work just seemed to take care of itself and you were practically floating around. You could not help stalking your phone all the time. However it didn’t ring however you tried to come up with reasons why it was not ringing. The day ended and you went home after shopping for groceries. It was a weekend and maybe, if you were being struck by a massive amount of luck, you got to spend some time with Tom.

You could not stop thinking about last night and this morning… but also the fact that Tom had not called you. You started to suspect the worst and felt a bit nervous… maybe he had not checked his mailbox, but he always did when he was home besides he knew where you lived… Maybe he was busy, or maybe he was regretting something… or maybe he just wanted some fun and now you were the one who had assumed too much… Your thoughts were driving you insane!

You tried to calm yourself down and fixed yourself some evening snack. You were listening to your favorite playlist with your phone and you were having your headphone-hands-free on. Your phone started to ring. You jumped and pressed the remotes answering button to answer.   
\- Hello? you said eagerly. It was your mom calling you first time for a long time.  
\- Hi, mom! you said and burst into tears. You told her that you missed them and you were doing great, however you did not mention Tom at all because it was too early to say anything besides you respected his right for privacy too much. You had not even told your friends or family that you lived in the same building with Tom… and said nothing when they had asked if you had ran into any hot British actors.

You asked your mom how she was doing and how everybody were back at home. She told you that everyone were doing well but they missed you very much. That was too much to hear and you burst into tears again. You listened your mom talking as you sobbed and commented something every once in a while. Gosh it had been a long time you had talked with your mom on the phone. The life seemed to be so busy all the time; you had your work and your family had theirs and during the time of social media, calling was not that necessary when you could just check their pages to see what they were up to. Then suddenly you noticed that you had not actually talked with them for over a month and when you did, you always got a bit emotional.

\- I miss you all so much! you said and tried to hold in your tears although it was impossible. The phone got disconnected just as your mom was about to say something. Then the phone rang again. You answered with hands free and assumed that it’s your mom recalling you.  
\- I got disconnected. you stated and swallowed your tears but it was obvious that you had been crying, the caller could hear it in your voice.  
\- Hi, love. Are you okay?   
It was Tom! And again Tom caught you crying… it was getting beyond the point of too awkward.  
\- Yeah… I’m fine… Everything is… uhm… alright. you whimpered softly and tried to sound not-teary. However it was not working. Tom was worried. His first thought was that something bad had happened or you were crying because of him. He did not like either of those options.  
\- I’ll come over! he said and hung up.  
Your mom called again. You answered and talked with her for a moment until suddenly someone knocked on your door.  
\- Just a second! you shouted and went to open the door as you still talked with your mom. Tom walked in, closed the door behind him and he hugged you tightly. This time you did not run away from him.  
\- Big hug for you all, love you! Bye-bye! you said and ended the call. You took off the headphones and wiped your cheeks. The freaking mascara had smudged again and you found it highly annoying that it was getting a habit.  
\- I just miss them so much! you sobbed and wrapped your arms around Tom.  
\- Awww. he said and asked if they were ok. You answered that everyone was doing great but it had been so long since you had been previously talked with your mom that your emotions just took over you and poured over. Tom told you that it was completely understandable and there was nothing to be ashamed of and you should never think that you should keep in your emotions when you were with him. He was not going anywhere and he wanted to be there for you even when your life was not filled with joy and laughter.  
\- I brought you some cake. Tom said and you laughed in return. He really knew how to melt a girl’s heart and make you feel better.  
\- I was making a snack, would you like some? you asked and walked to the kitchen. Tom followed you. He was more than happy to accept your snack-offer and helped you to set everything up.

\- So how was your day? you asked.  
\- It was… boring after you left. I got a call from my manager and he said that I should go for a promo tour for one movie was working on some time ago. Tom told you. He shifted his eyes from his sandwich to you so he would see how you took the news of him going away for some time, many weeks most likely.  
\- Well… uhm… that doesn’t sound boring at all. General opinion is that traveling is-uhm… fun. you commented and smiled slightly. You did not quite know how you were supposed to react to the news. On the other hand maybe you and Tom were just about to start something wonderful but on the other hand it was too early to say and you knew that his work took him away from London for some months even, but to be honest you had not expected him to leave this soon. He had just come back.

\- … So it means that I have to go away for a while… Tom continued because he was not getting a reaction from you. He was suspecting that you did not really understand what he had just said. You had understood him loud and clear but you were kind of uncertain about how you were expected to react and what was your reaction anyway. But the bottom line was that those words stabbed you like a knife trough your heart. You had been so happy for these moments with him and honestly assumed that he had come back for a longer time… But since there was nothing you could have done, you inhaled deeply, looked away and tried to hide every hint of disappointment. You exhaled and looked back at Tom with a smile on your face. He was trying to decide whether your smile was just a cover up or real.

\- Yeah, well… uhm… hmm… ahh… That’s… uhm… is… That is your… job-yeah… That is part of your job, is it not? you tried to form a sentence but did not seem to find the right words. Tom looked at you and was clearly waiting for a response.  
\- I will be here when you’ll get back. you managed to say accompanied with a smile. You fought like a champ to keep the smile on your face although you did not really feel like smiling. Neither of you said anything and the silence was getting awkward.  
\- When will you be leaving? you asked with a calm, casual tone. You decided that the most reasonable and proper thing to do was to support whatever career choices he did… besides it was not like he could had just decided not to go. Tom had contracts and it was his job to promote his movies.  
\- Next week, on Sunday. Tom replied. You counted the days in your head. Now was Friday evening, so a week to go. You smiled and leaned onto your hand.  
\- Do you have to work tomorrow? Tom asked.  
\- No, on Monday. Free weekend, yayy! you answered and clapped your hands and smiled. You were usually working from Monday to Friday but sometimes you had some days off here and there because you usually worked extra-long shifts. In your mind it made more sense; when you were working, you were truly working and it meant that you got some days free when you got to be totally free. The arrangement suited you and your lifestyle well.  
\- Plans? Tom asked. He wanted to spend every moment possible with you because he felt a connection between two of you and he wanted nothing more than to deepen that connection before he left so when he came back you would be here and he could continue instead of starting from the beginning.

\- Yeah, my schedule is full. you joked and laughed. The moment required a bit of humor you assumed. The truth was that you had no plans and would be delighted to spend your weekend with Tom.  
\- You’d better cancel, love, because I’m going to keep you busy. he chuckled.  
\- Oh? you commented and leaned back in your chair. You looked at Tom curiously. You were completely flattered for that claim. Not because he was a big star but because he was a wonderful person.  
\- Yes, starting from now. You’re mine! Tom stated and stared at you in a very intense way. You were happy that you were sitting down because otherwise you would have fallen on the floor. You smiled widely and blushed a little bit.

\- It’s a beautiful night, would you like to go for a walk with me? Tom asked after long silent stares. He had leaned closer and was holding your hand on the table. You loved the way his fingers danced with yours as he kept finding different ways to hold your hand. Sometimes he had his hand palm up on the table as you traced the lines with your fingertip. He had such soft and graceful hands even though they were very large and masculine.  
\- With pleasure. you answered and then pulled your hand away as you noticed that Tom was staring mesmerized at your finger tracing his hand so very gently. You were slightly worried if you were being too fluffy-romantic and felt a bit embarrassed. Tom noticed the slight change in your mood. He stood up and walked to you, pulled you to stand up and then lifted your hand onto his lips and pressed a kiss on your knuckles. Such a gentleman-like gesture was more than enough to turn your brain into a gray puddle of mush.  
You agreed to meet in fifteen minutes at the mailboxes. You washed your teeth, checked yourself in the mirror, put your jacket as well as your shoes on and headed down. Tom was there already waiting for you.  
\- Oh shit! Am I late? you asked. You had taken the stairs because the elevator was messing with you again. It sometimes stopped for a moment but it never got stuck more than for a couple of seconds or a minute, maximum.  
\- No, I got here early. Tom answered.

You got out and the night indeed was beautiful; the sky was clear and the air smelled fresh and cool. You walked around and talked, talked and talked some more, however you were deliberately avoiding the subject of him leaving London for who knows how long. You joked around and made Tom laugh and he made you laugh as well. Suddenly Tom took your hand and you were now walking hand in hand. You walked to a park that was next to Thames, sat down on a bench and looked at the lights that reflected from the surface of the river. 

You were both silent, sitting side by side, holding hands. You felt an urge to speak out about the situation with Tom; about him leaving in just few short days. You were happy for him but sad at the same time. And you were worried that when he got back in the world of superstars and gorgeous people he would just end up feeling stranded because of you. He after all was just that type of person who took relationships, not that he was in one with you because he was not… it was too early to assume anything… but you still felt that he would feel that he owed you something and then start feeling bothered because he had asked you out and behaved in a most adorable way which could be mistaken as a sign of something deeper.

\- Look, I get it. I have no expectations… you began.  
\- What do you mean? Tom asked. His tone was surprised and he was not quite sure what you meant.  
\- … you’re being amazing, wonderful… perfect! But you’re leaving in few days and you will meet so many beautiful, successful, interesting women… I don’t want you to… you continued, not really sure what you wanted to say and how you should say it without sounding too casual or emotionless about it. However you did not want to sound like you had assumed that you were now his girlfriend or something. It was all just going so fast that it was messing up with your head.

\- To what? he asked and let go of your hand as he turned to look at you.  
-… to be left behind because of me. I’m not saying this so you would feel bad for me, or for getting your pity. I just want you to be happy, that’s all. I know that I’m such a mood-killer at the moment, but I just needed to say it, because I would feel bad if I didn’t. you said and stood up. Being close to Tom was just too damn difficult at the moment. Or not really. It just made it hard to say the things you needed to get off your chest.  
\- I am truly thankful for the love and care you have given me, but this will not work. I know it, you know it… and I’m okay with it. you said and smiled a little.

\- Oh no-no-no-no! I waited a half of a year to get in this point. I am not going to let you go. Oh no, not that easy. he answered, stood up and hugged you tightly. He was not going to let you go that easily, not even if you tried to push him away. He thought that his promo-tour came the worst time possible but he had no other choice than to go, but he did not want to risk losing you in the process. Therefore he was ready to give you the status of a girlfriend if you just wanted and accepted it. He however was afraid of suggesting it because he could feel that you were on your guard a little. You had mentally prepared yourself for letting him go and you were strong like that. He envied you a little but on the other hand he was sad that you were so ready to grant him his freedom and let him go.

\- I’m sorry, a mood-killer… you said.  
\- Don’t be sorry, love, I am actually happy that we talked about this. Now there’s no confusion. You’re mine… and I’m yours… if you’ll have me. he whispered and pressed you tightly against him. There was a cold wind blowing from the river and it made you shiver.  
\- Are you cold? Tom asked. His voice was concerned and worried. The last thing he wanted was that you would get sick.  
\- A bit, yeah. I don’t want to go though, it is so beautiful here! you exclaimed. You were quite a lot cold but you were enjoying the feeling of being the only two people existing in the world and if you walked out from the dark park, you would have to return back to the real world and that world was a busy place, crowded with people.  
\- It is, isn’t it… but I don’t want you to freeze. Tom said and rubbed your arms.

\- I’m not going to freeze, I have you keeping me warm. you stated almost proudly, pressed yourself closer to Tom and enjoyed being close to him. Tom inhaled deeply and continued rubbing your arms as well as your back. You decided to walk a bit to get warm and you kept walking around talking about everything for a while and then headed back home hand in hand. Suddenly couple of fans appeared on the street. They asked you to take pictures of Tom and them. Tom smiled a bit and nodded at you. You took a couple of pictures and handed the phone back to the teenager. Tom signed some pictures and chatted with the girls for a while.  
\- Who is that woman you are walking with? one of the girls asked. Tom looked at you and put his right arm behind your back. He answered with a smile on his face

\- She is… someone very special. he said and kissed your forehead. The fans took few pictures. You tried to move aside but Tom did not let you go. You were afraid that those pictures would get posted somewhere or maybe even sold to the yellow press. Oh what kind of shit-storm that would create. No, you did not want to go there because it could possibly ruin the whole thing before anything even had really begun.  
\- Now if you’ll excuse me… I would like to walk this lady home. Tom said and wished his fans goodnight.  
You walked back to the tall apartment building where you both were living in. You took the lift to your floor and stood with Tom at your door. There had been a bit of an awkward silence between you two after the fan attack. There was clearly something bothering Tom and he rather not talked about it so you did not push it. You just hoped that he did not think that you had been trying to get into the pictures with him because that was the opposite thing that you had tried to do.

\- Wanna come in? you asked and leaned on the doorway.   
\- I’m so sorry, but I can’t. My manager will call me early tomorrow about the tour arrangements. Tom answered.  
\- Cool, cool. you said and smiled.  
\- Will I see you tomorrow? you asked  
\- I hope so. Tom said and kissed you softly. Tom walked to the elevator and went home. He seemed a bit distracted or annoyed about something. You had been reading about the fans being too pushy and everyone wanting a piece of him and that has made Tom tired. The tone of his interviews has changed and in the pictures his smile had not looked as sincere as before.  
You took a long shower, got yourself ready for bed. You checked out your Facebook-feed and there was one post that caught your attention. A fan had posted a picture of you and him to a Tom Hiddleston –fanpage with a caption  
\- “Loki’d by one, envied by a million”. O-M-G! Almost hundred comments in one hour! you did not want to read the comments because you were worried about what they might say. You did not want to call Tom either because he dealt with stuff like this all the time and you did not want to seem like a person who cared about what people wrote about you. Then someone shared the picture with the caption to Toms Twitter page with a message saying; 

“So happy for you, your army hopes that she is a good girl.”

After a moment your cell phone beeped. You got a text message asking

“Are you a good girl?”

You were speechless but knew that you had to say something. Therefore you answered

“Yes, I try to be.”

It was the truth. You always tried to treat everyone well and do the right thing. You thought that you were a good person and you were quite proud about that. Sure you made mistakes and were wrong sometimes but you were a human being and very far from perfect. After ten minutes you saw Toms response on Twitter

“Yes, she is amazing.”

You wanted to scream and jump for joy. You could not really believe it, everything had happened so fast. A couple days ago you had been wondering if you would ever even have a chance to get to be his friend and you had come to a conclusion that never in a million years. You had settled with the thought of being the fun neighbor to chat with occasionally and that was it. But now against all the odds, here you were publicly announced as “amazing”. However you decided that you would not tag yourself in that post or share it to anyone. You would not even tell about it to your friends or family. You would just lay low and cause no waves.

In the morning it was on the entertainment news. Everyone was wondering who you were, because no one knew you; you were not a singer, not an actress, not a performer of any kind... not even a reality “star”. You thought it was only good that no one knew you since you respected your privacy and most of all; you respected Toms as well, maybe even more than your own. Of course you did not want any rumors of you to be spread around but you reasoned that if the press found out that you were just a boring, normal woman, they would get bored and let you be. With Tom it was completely different. His life was more or less public whether he liked it or not but you did not want to be the reason why it got any more public than it already was.

You had been rolling in your bed and it had been impossible to fall asleep. You had spent your night rolling and staring at your bedroom ceiling. You had tried to stay away from the camera, you really had, but it had not gone as well as you had hoped. Of course, you were flattered that Tom had wanted to have you in the picture with his arm around you, but still. Now it was on the news. Crap! Although… What one picture proved anyway? It proved only that Tom has friends… amazing friends. It was perfectly normal for a man… for any person to have amazing friends.  
You were stalking your phone. It was almost three o’clock in the afternoon already. But there had been no sign of Tom. No text, no call. You checked out your Facebook.

You had been tagged into the picture five hours ago!

\- Oh shit! you exclaimed and your heart stopped. You tried to think about the game plan and the only reasonable thing you could do was to untag yourself. This was not the way you had hoped it to go down. Who on earth did recognize you?! If the press found out where you live, they would find out where Tom lived and that was goodbye privacy. The yellow press could be brutal!

You checked out the fan page that had shared the picture. You read the comments in case there was someone who had mentioned your name. There it was; a speculation about this girl and your Facebook profile linked. You checked out your inbox and there were tens of messages from unknown people. Every one of them was trying to ask you something about Tom and bomb you with friend requests. You decided to post on the fan site that 

“I am sorry guys, but there has been a misunderstanding. I am not related to Tom Hiddleston in any way. I wish I were, but it’s not me in the picture… so please give the man some privacy and let it be. Ps. the picture is blurry as hell, so whoever has recognized me, should get their glasses fixed :P ”


	5. The misunderstanding and the fight that follows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Tom thinks that you did something that you did not and your warfare turns ugly.

You immediately saw how the pending friend requests were being cancelled one by one. You sighed relieved. It had worked! You took your keys and decided to visit Tom. You were afraid that the whole thing would look so ugly in his eyes and it could possibly ruin your “thing” with him because it could seem that you had tagged yourself to the picture like an attention whore. You took the elevator up and tried to calm your mind. Surely Tom knew you better than that but the reality was that he did not know you. Walked the few steps to Toms door, knocked but no one answered. You could not give up that easily so you knocked again. After waiting for a moment you turned away from the door ready to leave but Tom opened the door and let you in.

\- Did you see the news? he asked and you could hear that he was upset. Most likely he had not been sleeping well, if at all, last night. He looked tired and pissed off. You had never known that Tom could actually get angry but apparently he could, well, he was a human being after all.  
\- Yes. That’s what I came to talk you about… you answered as you tried to decipher if he thought that you had something to do with the news. You hoped that he did not think that of you because he would be totally wrong and it would be heartbreaking to hear that he assumed that you could do something like that.  
\- What is there to talk about? You tagged yourself to the pict-  
\- Excuse me? you asked because you were not quite sure if you had heard or understood right. You sometimes accelerated from zero to hundred in few seconds but this time you tried to keep your voice down and somewhat neutral. If you exploded, it did not help anyone.  
\- You tagged yourself to the picture, so you could show the whole world… You are just another trophy hunter. You’re no different from the rest of them. he stated like he had finally figured you out and what he had found out disgusted him. That was it. First you could not believe at all what you were hearing but as Tom kept staring at you, it was getting obvious that he was actually being serious.

\- Oh my gosh! Is THAT what you think I’m like? Seriously? you asked. You managed to keep your tone still kind of calm and the volume kind of medium. You had to keep reminding yourself about the fact that full-on-raging did not help anyone but keeping your cool felt more challenging by every passing moment.  
\- Well… That’s what it looks like and usually things are the way they appear to be. Tom stated. He was tired and you could hear it from his voice. He had not been sleeping and he was not maybe handling the situation as well as he could have but he was upset and in his eyes you were the one who had caused this.  
\- Right… you stated, still keeping your nerves in check although you felt your blood boiling knowing that you had not been sleeping the entire night because you had been stressing out about the whole thing. The situation was unfair but how could you set things straight without getting into a disagreement where you might say something that you did not really want to say or get an attitude of “to hell with it” and turn cold. That was the other thing what you did. You sometimes did not start to rage but only stopped caring, kind of psychological warfare from your part.

\- What else do you expect me to think? It is so obvious… Tom stated and rolled his eyes. Then he returned to stare at you. He gazed, or more like glared at you with a fire of disappointment in his eyes. He had clearly expected more from you and your thing with him. In his eyes his level of hurt was greatly deserved and the way you were not asking for forgiveness was telling him a story that you saw nothing wrong in your actions. Only if he had known that you had not done anything to cause any of this media-frenzy. Only if he had not assumed the worst about you.  
\- You could have called me and asked. You could have given me a chance to explain but instead of doing that you rather misjudge my character… But you know what- you said and looked at him with a equally disappointed look on your face.

\- What? Tom asked and folded his arms.  
\- It tells me more about you, than what you think I did, tells you about me. you stated. You had hoped that Tom had seen you and understood the person you were but obviously he rather think that he knew everything, including you, although he did not and what hurt you the most, was that he had not bothered to ask you.  
\- So explain. Tom snapped. He wanted to know your reasoning behind the whole thing. Without a valid reason he would have no other choice than to admit to himself that he had done a mistake when he had reached out to you.  
\- That’s the beauty of this situation… I have no reason to explain anything! you stated. Okay, what you sometimes did was that you got a bit smart-ass-like and talked with riddles that you expected people to understand. So instead of just saying “I did not do anything” you liked to play with words and stir the situation a little.

\- Right… I knew it! Tom exclaimed. Your war-tactic was kind of biting you to your own ass but since it was the way you rolled, you were not going to let go now. You knew that you were right and in a way you wanted to see how far you could push Tom, what kind of terrible things you could make him say before revealing your side of things and make him feel like shit.  
\- Wow! You just don’t get it. you stated and tried to keep your cool. You felt like your world had just crumbled down and left in ruins to rot. You couldn’t look at Tom who looked angry and tired, very disappointed. However you reasoned that avoiding his gaze made you look guilty. You had nothing to hide so you raised your head and decided to defend yourself until the very end. Tom however interpreted your gaze as a sign of arrogance.  
\- Oh my gosh! Ha-ha! you laughed bitterly when you realized that Tom really did not get it. He did not get your riddles and he did not get your side of the situation. You found it a bit amusing in a very tragicomic way.  
\- You find this funny? Tom asked. He had not interest to play your games or solve your puzzles. He would have liked you to just give him straight answers and explain yourself.

\- I have no reason to explain myself because I did nothing wrong! you exclaimed. Now you were getting to the acceleration –part. Soon there would be either bitter laughter or tears, shouting and slammed doors.  
-That might be your point of view… he mumbled and did not look at you. You thought that it was the time to reveal the twist that would turn the tables upside down.  
\- I did not tag myself! I removed the tag as soon as I saw it. you said and hated yourself for playing the game in such a twisted way but in a way you tried to avoid showing that you cared and he could hurt you.  
\- Really? Tom asked. He sounded like he could not believe you.  
\- Yeah… you scoffed and waited that the message sank in. When the look on Tom’s face started to change from pissed off and upset to apologetic and surprised you continued  
\- Or wait! No, because obviously I am a person who gets to know someone, falls in love and then finds the way to. Fuck. Things. Up. Because hell, why not! you stated with sarcastic tone. It was the time of your attack, your precious payback and you had no mercy for the enemy.  
\- Yeah… That’s me. Thank you very much for this profound insight of my mental state of fucked-up-ness. you basically shouted while you looked at Tom with a pissed off -face. Tom did not say anything, he just dropped his head and kept staring at the floor. You started to laugh because the whole situation is beyond absurd. You knew that you were being unfair and making things worse but you did not want to be the weak one who left the apartment, the “relationship” with tears in their eyes.

\- Maybe we should calm down and talk… Tom suggested as he finally lifted his chin up and tried to find your eyes.  
\- Oh now you want to talk? What is there to talk about? Sure, we kissed… That’s it, no big deal. Don’t worry… it’s not going to happen again. you said and twisted the knife that you had stabbed right into his heart. You wanted him to bleed and suffer for thinking such terrible things about you because at this point you did not care if you ruined this “thing” that you had because as far as you knew, it was already ruined and at this point there were only losers and even bigger losers.

\- I… Tom said but you left the apartment running, shouted “just another trophy hunter”, shut the door behind you with a loud bang and laughed. It was not a happy laugh but a very bitter one. The elevator was gone but you could not stay and wait it to get back to the highest floor so therefore you ran to the stairs and ran them down as fast as you could all the way to your floor. You looked behind you but no one was following you. It made you sad in a way because you would have wanted to be chased after a fight, just once in your lifetime.

Finally you were at your home’s front door. You opened the door and shut it with a bang. You felt so unreal. You felt like your heart had been ripped out from your chest, smashed on the ground and then sumo wrestler had come and stomped on it a couple of thousand times. Yes, it hurt but you could not allow yourself to be the bigger loser so you decided that you would not cry. You would face everything with rock-hard determination and face anything what it brought.

You closed all the curtains, turned off the phone, computer… everything. You were in slight state of shock and just shaking; you had been ripped from the highest heights and smashed to the lowest lows. You couldn’t laugh anymore but you did not want to cry either. You just felt numb, or you didn’t, but you wished that you had. Anything but this; empty and heartbroken. You had been sad and scared but after seeing Tom and finding out what he thought of you, your sorrow had turned into anger and disappointment.

The day was turning into evening and it was getting darker. You were laying on your bed and trying to get over the whole thing. Remembering the look on Toms face when he had looked you felt like a knife stabbing you over and over again, but you did not want to feel sorry for it or for Tom. You had done nothing wrong. You knew deep down that Tom was a great guy, but what had shocked you was the fact that he had believed the worst of you without granting you a chance to defend yourself. A night came and you went to bed. The next day you spent in bed as well. There was no reason whatsoever to get up. Then suddenly it was Monday morning and you had to go to work.  
At work someone commented the entertainment news and you just sighed. You snapped at the person when she started to talk about how the new girlfriend was just seeking attention and how Tom deserved so much more. Of course your co-worker did not know that the “girlfriend” was you and you did not tell her anything. You just snapped that the yellow press got everything always wrong and she should not believe such gossips.

When you got home, you did not even look at the mailboxes. You had your headphones on and the volume turned up on purpose. You took the lift and it got stuck for a moment but then started moving again. It was already dark and your apartment was especially dark because you had all your curtains closed as they had been two days already. You took off your jacket as well as your shoes, put your bag on the floor and then walked to your bedroom, closed your eyes and opened them again. You stared into the darkness and it stared back at you. 

There had been silent knocks once in a while at your door during the evening but you had not reacted to any of them in any way. You did not care. As far as you were concerned; “to hell with it!” you thought and continued staring at the ceiling that was hiding somewhere behind the lack of light. You felt cold and lost. Could a broken heart kill you? At this point it felt like it could, but you did not give in. You had decided not to cry or show your feelings to anyone because you were stronger than that, besides… There really was nothing between you two so why bother?  
Then there was a clicking-like sound at the door, a high-pitched sound of keys hitting each other. Someone was opening your door. It opened and a light flooded into the apartment from the corridor. You heard someone saying  
\- Thanks mate! 

You got up and walked to the entrance hallway of your apartment. You saw Tom standing there. You sighed frustrated and disappeared into the darkness. He followed you.  
\- I… Tom said. He had been worried when he could have not reached you for two whole days. Your phone had been turned off and you had not answered any of his knocks during yesterday or today. He had saw you getting home and decided to visit you but you had not come to the door so therefore the only thing he could do was to call the maintenance man and ask him to open the door for him. It had taken a bit of persuasion but he had convinced the man that his intentions were good.

\- That is almost breaking-and-entering, you know. you stated as you checked out the weather outside. It was raining heavily, fortunately it had not been raining when you had gotten home. It would have sucked ass so much. You turned around and closed the curtain.  
\- I… Tom said again.  
\- What? you asked. Your tone was cold and distant.  
\- I was… he said again.  
\- Hurt? Offended? Wrong? you asked with an annoyed tone and turned a light on, it hurt your eyes at first but soon you got used to the brighter surroundings. Tom stared at you and was surprised that you did not look like you had been crying. He had expected to find you devastated. Instead of hurt you looked something else entirely; you looked like you did not care, at all.  
\- Goodbye Tom. you said and looked straight into his eyes. Your gaze was almost inhumanly cold.

\- You’re angry, I get that… he began but you interrupted him by saying  
\- No… you chuckled, shook your head slowly and smiled. You did not want him to see that you were actually pretty hurt and shaken up from the entire thing. If you admitted it to him, it would make you the bigger loser and you did not want to be that. Someone had once said in a movie that the one who cared less in a relationship, was in control and basically the one who cared more, lost. You had not understood the logic behind the “wisdom” but now you did and were playing by that rule yourself.  
\- Hurt… Tom said.  
\- No. you stated with a defiant smile on your face. He had never seen you like this.  
\- Sa-  
\- Disappointed. you said and lifted your chin up, corrected your posture as you inhaled deeply and looked at Tom with almost blank look on your face. You reasoned that if you did not let yourself care or show that you did, Tom would not be able to hurt you anymore and you would be fine… at some point at least. You might have to move to another apartment building but maybe change was good.  
\- I understand… but please let me explain-  
\- You don’t owe me anything; an apology, an explanation… you said and kept staring into his eyes. There was no point for you to hide so you stood proudly behind your words with a defiant posture that was telling Tom that you had already moved on.  
\- I do… he said and looked at you with a heartbroken look on his face.

\- Do I look like I want to hear any of that? you asked.  
\- You… really… don’t. he answered and sounded defeated. You started to feel bad for being so cold and emotionless. Therefore you sighed deeply and tried to soften the look on your face. It however was difficult because that look was almost like tattooed on your features.  
\- Fine… What is it? you asked. You tried to soften the sound of your voice but you really did not succeed at that either. You were a prisoner of your own manners and twisted warfare.  
\- I made a mistake… he said and whispered “please” as he reached out for you and opened his arms so he could end the disagreement with hugging you tightly. You stepped a bit further away as a reaction and rejected his attempt to make it better. “Oh” you commented but it was clearly meant to mock him.  
-…and I came to see if you’re alright, but you’re clearly fine… he continued as his voice broke down a little.

\- Did you expect me to… I don’t know… be crying my eyes out? you asked and shrugged your shoulders. You were really hurting the man in front of you and you started to hate yourself for it. It was getting too far and too serious. Whatever he had done, whatever he had said, he did not deserve the coldness that you were throwing at him, but still you were not ready to let go yet.  
\- You know, I almost did… but I decided that I am not going to cry for anyone. you stated. Your voice started to crack a little.  
\- It is good that you’re so strong… he mumbled and looked down.  
\- It’s not worth it. you stated and he looked even more hurt, but he did not leave. When you paid closer attention you noticed that his eyes were actually filling with tears. Tom knew that he had been wrong and in his opinion he deserved every bit of mockery and despising that he got from you. He just hoped that you were soon done because he would most likely start to cry openly if you did not turn your boat around. He totally understood if you were not going to, but he hoped that you would so he could start fixing things. 

You had a way of turning into an ice queen if you got angry or highly annoyed. You became bitchy and you just stopped caring. Although it was mostly just a mask to cover that you were actually hurt. Tom however was not afraid to show that he was hurt. He was brave like that. You felt bad for being so cold towards such a gentle, loving, goodhearted person but you were not quite sure how to turn things around. What if the situation was beyond repair?  
\- I am not brave like you. you stated after a long silence. You were done with the ice-queen and you were tired of acting like you did not care. You knew that if you wanted to repair things, you needed to stop smashing everything with the sledgehammer.  
\- I hide… I build walls… I keep people out in a safe distance so I would not get hurt… and when I do get hurt, it is easier to either joke about it or pretend that I do not care. you said and breathed in deeply, held your breath for a moment and then sighed.

\- So you do care? Tom asked with a shaky voice. He was surprised but very relieved about the sudden change of heart. You had admitted that you cared which meant that there was hope and it was not too late  
\- Yeah… more than I dare to admit. And it hurts to think that you assume those things about me. I do understand your point of view. I wish I didn’t though… It would make this so much easier… you mumbled.  
\- Make what easier? Tom asked. He was metaphorically trying to the ice with a stick and aiming to figure out if the ice was thick enough for him to walk or if it cracked immediately if he tried to reach you. If the ice was still too thin to walk and it gave in, you might be beyond his reach for good. Therefore he wanted to wait a bit longer and observe your mood and into which direction it was changing.

\- To be angry at you. you stated and played with your bracelets. You were breaking apart, finally, after keeping your ice-queen-act going for two whole days. You felt that you would start crying any minute now and it was most likely that you had said things and been a very difficult person to have a quarrel with and therefore there was no turning back or getting over anything. You knew that you should have handled the situation so much better and you should have stayed with Tom when he had suggested that you would talk about it. Tom did not say anything. You did not say anything either and the silence was the one constant thing that filled the times when neither of you were talking. It was obvious that there was nothing left to say, nothing but goodbye anyway. It was an empty feeling and it was a lonely place to stare at the person right there in front of you, completely sure that there was no turning back anymore and whatever you had had, was now lost.

\- I did not want this to end like this. you said and casually wiped the corner of your eye before any visible tear had managed to form but Tom saw that you kept swallowing your tears and heard that your voice kept breaking time to time, it had been cracking time to time for a while already. The look on your face was now only sad and there were no traces of defiance or arrogance left. You blamed yourself mostly; you had screwed it up by being too proud, too stubborn, too afraid to show your true feelings and now… it was over. 

In a way it was a sad but heartbreakingly beautiful ending; you both had been on your worst behavior and now the situation was beyond repair. “It is better this way” you assured yourself. Tom was leaving anyway and maybe it was better that it ended before it even started, so that way either of you did not have to deal with that terrible longing and face the pain of your relationship slowly fading away. Yes, you knew already how it would happen; there would be long calls at first but then you both would just move on and the outcome would be the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I listened to  
> Erik Satie - Gymnopédie No. 1  
> on repeat while writing this. It kind of fits the ending well.


	6. Our first fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It is the end... or is it?

\- End? What end? This is only the beginning… our first fight. Tom exclaimed and stepped a little bit closer. He knew that you did not really want to end anything and neither did he, but he suspected that you saw no way out from the situation. He also sensed that you felt terrible for leaving and isolating yourself like you had and most likely hoped him to just take the lead and guide you both out from the woods.  
\- What? you asked with a surprised tone. You had assumed him to feel the same way and to see how there was no point to date you when you could not even fight fair. You had been so sure that now that you had pushed him away, he would not want to try again. Therefore hearing him saying those words “beginning” and “our” gave you some hope although you were not quite sure if you had understood him correctly or if you were clinging onto a false sense of hope.

\- Most likely it will not be our last. Tom continued. He knew that all couples fought, even the happy ones and he was not afraid of disagreements as long as they ended with apologies or tight embraces. You chuckled once and covered your mouth with your hand. Maybe you could allow yourself to hope that this was not the ending after all. You sensed an undertone of playfulness in Tom’s voice so you decided to along with it.  
\- “Our”? you asked with a tone that challenged Tom into a new debate, although this time the debate would be a playful one. You stared at him with a curious look on your face as you battled with yourself whether you could believe your ears. It was exactly what you had hoped to hear but now that you did, it really sounded too good to be true. You managed to turn your face on the neutral mode again because you did not want to seem too excited about this turn of events. 

\- Yes. Did you not see the news? Tom asked. The news had clearly stated that Tom had a new girlfriend but no one knew who she was. At this point you returned to your state of confusion. Why did Tom bring that up again? You had hoped that you had gone past the subject. The last thing you wanted was to start yet another fight about the same subject… well you did not really want to start any fights about any subjects. You started to think that maybe it was better if you did not make any assumptions until Tom was standing right in front of you with a smile on his face. Now there was still about 2 meters keeping you apart.  
\- I did and that was the problem, wasn’t it? you asked. Tom noticed that you sounded confused and maybe worried as well, but not annoyed or defiant. He was relieved that you did not want to start another fight. He however wanted to tease you a little, keep you guessing and see how long it will take for you to trust that he was only teasing you a little.

\- It is no problem- Tom answered with a smile on his face.  
\- What do you mean “it’s not a problem”? Of course it is a proble- you interrupted him by stating with a highly puzzled tone and emphasized the absurdness of his claim by rolling your eyes and talking very fast.  
\- No, because you have fallen in love with me, finally. Tom answered with a calm tone, came a little bit closer and stared deep into your eyes. You shifted your gaze away as you took a few seconds to play and replay his words over in your head.  
\- Finally? you asked after a short silent moment. You smiled briefly and shifted your eyes back to his.  
\- Yes! All those long chats at the mailboxes- Tom exclaimed and chuckled a little. He monitored your expressions; how you struggled to adjust yourself to the small clues that he gave you and how you kept debating with yourself whether you could feel relieved or not yet. You chuckled and stated  
\- Oh, those… Casual, random-  
\- Random? Do you think that I was having those with all my neighbors? he asked with an amused tone.  
\- I have not thought about it- you admitted. Well, the truth was that you had thought about it and hoped that he did not have those conversations with everyone else in the building. You however did not want him to know that you had thought about it.

\- Well, think about it. Tom said and challenged you a little.  
\- Most likely not with everybody but with whomever happened to be ther-  
\- No… Tom answered and shook his head. The truth was that the only moments when he had actually gone through his mail at the mailboxes were those when you had been there as well. For you it had been the same. Usually you just took your mail and left immediately to go through it in the privacy of your own apartment. You had not thought about it before but that was what you did and that was the same thing that Tom had done as well. You had just assumed that it had been “his thing” and you just happened to be there… doing your thing.  
\- And how I was supposed to know that? you chuckled.  
\- It was not my point-

You were getting slightly derailed from the subject which was Tom stating that you and him had become a “we”, a unit and not two separate people anymore. And his point was that he wanted to be a half of that unit that made one whole… “we” with “our” things and fights as well. And as random as your conversations at the mailboxes had seemed to you, they had not been so random after all, not after some time at least. Sure he had been gone for some time but before that there had been nothing random about him being there when you had been there as well.  
\- Right-

\- What, did you think that I just happened to be at the mailboxes when you came home? Tom asked. He sounded amused and this time you were the one who did not get his riddles. You were speechless and made all kinds of “uhm” –sounds as you tried to form a response. Then finally you went with the only thing that came to you  
\- I-I… I don’t know, mayb-  
\- I wasn’t. I stalked you… Studied your daily schedule… perfected my tactics-  
\- I see… A stalker, how charming. you said and burst into laughter. You blushed a little and smiled widely.  
\- I knew you would appreciate the effort. Tom stated playfully as he walked to you and stopped to stand only about half a meter away from you. You chuckled and finally you were completely sure that this was not the end. You battled with your shyness and did not know whether you would dare to meet his stare now that he was standing so close. You gathered your courage and met his intense gaze. It almost melted your feet but you managed to keep your composure… well, some of it.

\- Well, why didn’t you come and borrow some… sugar earlier? you asked with a somewhat curious, yet slightly flirty tone. You moved a little bit closer.  
\- Sugar? Tom asked and did the same. There was not much space left until he would actually stand so close that you would be able to feel his warmth radiating from his body and smell his cologne which had become one of your favorite scents.  
\- Yeah… sugar… you repeated with a soft tone and bit your lip unintentionally. Tom shifted his eyes from your eyes to your lips.  
\- So, should I get my cup now or can we just skip to the kissing part? he asked. You chuckled a little and put your hands on Tom’s cheeks. You traced his charming features with your fingertips and smiled. Tom examined your expression with a mesmerized smile on his face. He did not lean closer to kiss you. 

No, not yet. He thought and felt that he owed you an apology before he would finally allow himself the heaven of your lips.  
\- I am sorr-  
\- Don’t talk. Just slam me against the wall and kiss me already. you commanded softly. Your heart was beating faster and you felt electrified. You did not need an apology, you just needed Tom to close the remaining distance and surround you with his presence, warmth and most of all, love.  
\- The wall? Tom asked. He put his hands on your waist and pulled you closer.  
\- Or bed… you suggested. You really did not mind, either way, although the more you thought about it, the better the second option sounded.  
\- I think I would like bed more… but only if you’ll promise to call me after… or write me a letter. You know, you do not even need a stamp to send it because you know where my mailbox is. Tom said and casually glanced behind your back over your shoulder. Then he started to steer you to walk backwards.  
\- How about I’ll just… deliver it to you personally? you asked and kept your eyes glued in his eyes.  
\- I would love that. he answered and kept guiding you. You guessed where he was taking you since he was avoiding every wall. That meant that he must be aiming at your bedroom.

\- Well, I love you, so… you said and felt your bed behind your legs. Tom lay you down and then crawled on top of you. He hovered over you before lowering himself on you carefully. He locked your hands against the pillows on the both sides of your head and enjoyed feeling your chest rising and falling calmly under his. You enjoyed feeling him close to you with his fingers crossed with yours and his weight on you. You were calm and nervous at the same time, although your nervousness was just the butterflies in your stomach, good kind of nervousness.  
Then finally Tom kissed you. The kiss began sweet and modest and grew deeper as well as more passionate as you both got lost into the moment. Tom kissed you slowly and dedicated all of his attention to you as you did to him. He caressed you as you caressed him and you both undressed each other slowly. You both took your time to savor every moment and focused on learning how to be good to each other. Neither of you knew where it would lead but there was no pressure. You were both present in the moment and did as you felt was right. Tom whispered that he loved you and it made you very happy to hear him say that although the truth was that you knew. His gentle, worshipping touches kept telling you it over and over again.

The remaining days you spent together as much as you possibly could. You were busy at work but you had still some hours every evening to spend with Tom, besides he either came over to spend the night or you went to spend the night at his place. He arranged his schedule in a way that he was also free when you were and when you two were together, neither of you thought about your work-matters. You had plenty of fun together dancing, preparing dinners and breakfasts together, having deep and not so deep conversations, laughing and just cuddling without necessity to even say anything. You went out for walks and planned a future together even though you had just started to see each other.

Then suddenly it was Sunday and Tom had to go. The promo-tour was going to last many weeks and then he was going to return to London for a few days. He had previously planned not to fly home for just a couple of days but now that he had you in his life, he wanted to come home every time he had a chance, even for a day or two. After that small break he was still going to have some movie auditions in California and after it was done, he would return to London for a longer time.

You agreed that you would keep your relationship private for now and to go public when Tom returned to London, after the promo-tour and the auditions. It was a good plan and you had suggested it yourself even though Tom was ready to shout his happiness to the entire world. But you convinced him that it was better this way. You did not say it to Tom but this way you would see if the thing lasted and if you both could handle being apart from each other for long times. You did not want to be left inside a media-frenzy where your longing for Tom would become the latest gossip and spectator sport. 

There was no point for going public now because there was no way to know for sure if your thing would even survive the distance, although you both agreed to work on it. You both promised each other that you would not give up easily and you would keep in touch, no matter the time difference. You also agreed that you were dating so neither of you would get involved with anyone else and neither of you had to wonder what this thing between you two was.

You took Tom to the airport and after saying goodbyes, you watched him disappearing into the crowd as he had to go to the security check. You tried not to feel too sad about his leaving because you knew that weeks slipped away pretty quickly. It was not the first time he was leaving London, but it was the first time that you were left behind to miss him. It was not going to be easy but you decided to try and when Tom would finally come home, it would be worth it and about that you were entirely, completely and thoroughly certain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this was the backstory for the one-shot.
> 
> I hope you liked it :)
> 
> Link to the one-shot:  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/6501505/chapters/14909812


End file.
